Some Reasons Why the English Language
is so Hard to Learn
by anonymous
This CT is written by anonymous, and has been edited by others a time or two.
Note how the words are used in these sentences:
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Some other oddities:
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger.
There is neither apple nor pine in a pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
French fries weren't invented in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly.
Boxing rings are square.
A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If it’s one goose but two geese, why isn't it one moose and two meese?
If teachers have taught, why haven’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Why do people ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same?
Why is a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
You have to marvel at a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights go out, they are not visible.
Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?
And, why doesn’t daughter rhyme with laughter?
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Reader Responses:
Kent Fowler writes, "Here's one more, Ric threw out his hip, trying to be hip."
Tyson Bryant writes: "Here's another one (not original to me): Why do people drive on parkways and park on driveways?" (By the way, I loved the gold Viking mask for the anonymous CT!)
Send comments about this, or any, Coffee Talk to Rick Walston at: CES - @ - ColumbiaSeminary.edu
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